What've I been up to since last year's post

So, last year, sometime during the month of may, I began drawing. I made it "My Hobby". I want to learn how to draw. I have slowly,, slowly improved. Looking back on it though, I think I talk more about drawing than practicing. I should practice more.

What else has happened? Well, I've been making bentos! They are really embarrassing and not so good looking, but at least I have started my cooking journey. I want to be a good wife for my husband and a good mother for my children. Wish me luck~!

I have set up and I am currently an active member of the BC's online who are looking for a spouse. I am usually approached about twice a month. I want to get better pictures of myself and perfect my bio, so I can really put my best foot forward and start approaching boys myself!

I want a husband who is Japanese. I have been dealt enough bs in my life that I hardly feel the need to defend why I want this, I grew up surrounded by kids who are Japanese. I am not. I have always had crushes on Asian boys, before I understood what a crush was. Now at the age of 21, I want to be able to say with certainty that this is what I want. I don't need to worry about any sort of judgement form other church members. All of my half/full Japanese friends are marrying Japanese members anyways. Why should it matter if I do the same??

What is hard for me though, is the competition! These Japanese girls are biologically smaller and more petite then I am! It's rough! I am almost as manly as a Japanese man!! I really have to try hard to be feminine!! Lord help me!!

Far in the future

Far off in the future, I wonder how the people of my time will be viewed. Will we be respected as elders? As the people who contributed to build the world they know? Or will we be seen as foolish? Not being able to solve things that aren't even problems in their age. What foods and items do we have that are actually poison to us? When will we as a society really start valuing families? Doesn't it seem so obvious though? Our reason to live is just like any other animal? To procreate? Why is it wrong to find such true happiness in that? Is that the wrong answer?

Why did we develop to get stuck on the first question of the test? Why do we exist? Since this is the internet, I would like for this post to exist in some sort of database for the rest of our time. I'm sure by the time I die it would be easy to save a ridiculous amount of information on a small physical location. In 2019 this is already possible, so I am excited to see how much I can save in the future. I'm sure it will be limitless. Will this be saved? Will the website I type this on still exist? will something like The Wayback Machine still exist? Will people know that the name of the website is a reference to the short Peabody and Sherman featured in Rocky an Bullwinkle? A TV show for kids in the 1960's?

This can be viewed as an "existential crisis", however, I am not worried. All of my ancestors were born before the internet, including my parents. Their thoughts as teenagers were not saved. That does not mean that they are valued any less. How disrespectful would it be to throw away all that has come before me, just because now we have tangible evidence of life and thought? My grandfather had spirit and life, but he passed away before the internet was invented. I will not disrespect him by only valuing what can be historically verified through saved documents.

Someday this will all sounds like boomer talk. Language itself is sure to have evolved passed what I am saying now. It almost feels like I should be writing in past tense. I was born the time when then internet came about. That's kind of old, huh? How far we will develop after this point, the year of our lord 2019, is unimaginable. Unimaginable indeed. Will motorcycles still exist? There is one revving up outside now. I'm sure that even if they don't, assholes will. Who revs their engine at midnight? 

I hope that future generations will be able to understand that we were once their age too. I am 21 at the time of writing this. Some of my postings on this account are from high school. This is the first time,,, that i know of,,,,,,who can write a message from one young adult to another, thousands of years apart. Hopefully the internet still exists by then, and some internet culture archaeologist comes across the blogger platform. If not, I'm sure someone else will eventually. Thank you~!

Also,,, does anime still exist?? How did it die out??? I need to know!!! What about manga!! I love manga!! I pray manga will stay popular, and only fade after I die. I love it too much for it to go before then. 

I too,,, watch captain kangaroo

I Quit!

I quit my job! Not in a very decent way, though. The boss told me to come in 2 days in a row when I wasn't scheduled, and on the 3rd day he told me to come in a couple hours early. I'd be there all day!! I messaged him in the morning saying I really shouldn't go early and that I need to be focusing more on my school work, but he said he didn't care.
Soooooooo guess who also doesn't care? I just didn't show up at all. He's been trying to get a hold of me but I'm already OVER IT _(:3｣∠)_

My parents weren't very happy, understandably so, but I'm happy I am finally making my own decisions! If this comes to bite me in the ass later, I'll at least be able to say that I did what I want and I'm ready to take responsibility for my actions!

It did feel really sudden though. I'm going to miss all my co-workers. They were fun ( ՞ਊ ՞)

Also, never mentioned on here, but they had just made me a manager. Higher pay ;A;)/ like $4 more, which is pretty darn good. Maybe my pride got the best of me (｡し_し｡)

But I'm free now! I kinda wanna work at an art supplies store or something. Sounds like my kinda thing. I'm surprised how few of those they have here in Vegas!!

Anyways, time to job hunt!! Wish me luck!! (○´―`)ゞ

Cool Days

It's still winter break and I have a few more days left till school starts! I only have 3 CLASSES, which is craaaazy seeing as I always try to have 5 or 6. I just don't think I want to keep my major.
I started working at the ice cream shop again, but I was hoping to get a 2nd job as a waitress.

Now is a cool Sunday afternoon, so wind but the air is crisp. Perfect! Now only if I had a car to drive to the northern mountains. I'm almost kinda afraid to go there cause I'm sure I'd be disappointed to find just a big sand mountain, when my imagination leads to soo much more.

My breathing has gotten bad again ): I need to go to a doctor to get a prescription for more medicine. I don't like it! I always have a pressure on my chest that makes it hard to breathe all the time! I want to ruuuuun like I used to! My dream when I was little was to be an Olympic runner. Just some running would be fulfilling enough for me now.

I watched an anime called Devilman Crybaby the other day! It had me sobbing 😭😭 it was short, so I wanna write it down so I remember it in the future!

I haven't been posting pictures because the blogger phone app crashed when I try to upload one, but I'll make a post on my computer soon to add some vibrance back in here! Till next time!~~

NO!!!!¡!!!!!!!!

I looked back at my first posts in 2014 and realized how SAD and GROSS my recent posts have been. Sorry I've been in a bit of a SLUMP. What happened to the fun documentation of weird lil things???? Time for some FUN!

I FOR ONE, really like the Ugandan Knuckles meme. I know it's become popular and it's getting old, but I LOVE IT. it's so simple and light hearted a bunch of dudes just HAVIN SOME FUN.

What else have I been thinkin? B0yz are GROOSSSSSSS. aniMALS! not my brothers. Angels. But men without sisters? DISGUSTING. i SPIT ON YOU.

The Comfort of Other's Solitude

I so often feel lonely, as I assume most people feel. One thing that I find comforting though is thinking of all my friends, and how they too sit alone in their rooms. When we think of our friends we usually think of them when we're hanging out, when they're interacting with others and joking around. It's always good to remember that they go home and sit alone and focus on their phone, computer, or whatever distraction they prefer. Ever person you've ever met has been alone in a room before and has thought "oh... I'm all by myself".

Isn't that weird to think about? Your coworkers are alone too. Your church friends, your classmates. I just find it to be a very humanizing thought. It's so easy to just wallow in self pity, thinking you're all alone and have no friends while it seems everyone is posting them hanging out with other people all the time. But at the end of the day, these people are going home, just like you, to be alone.

Or maybe not, what do I know. I guess I wouldn't know how often they're actually alone if I'm not hanging out with them.

Anyways, my travels went well. Korea was a mess I am looking forward to for getting when Alzheimer's inevitably steals away my memories, but I really enjoyed Taiwan and Japan. I wanna give China another shot. I don't feel like I did it justice.

Strangely, I have been having this feeling for many years where I feel nostalgic and an intense longing to go somewhere that I don't believe I have ever been before. I feel the atmosphere of the place sometimes, in precious moments that are so easily broken and always seem so quick to end. I feel it for seconds to a minute at a time, usually months apart. I wonder if I'll ever find the place I'm looking for? I don't even really know what I'm saying at this point. I know what I want but I have no words to describe it. C'est la vie?~~

Still traveling

I'm so grateful to be traveling! I've really learned a lot. I experienced a lot of grief and loneliness when I moved from la to lv, but now I have also experienced turmoil in personal relationships. It's a long story, and far too private to publish online, but I have grown. Now, more than ever, I am dedicated to getting matched and blessed. I haven't messed up too much so it should still be possible. My experiences have reaffirmed my beliefs in my church, and I am ready to move forward in my life of faith.

What's always pissed me off at church is the grandstanding. Fucking up is a very personal issue, it doesn't have to be some public humiliation thing. Staying on the right path is a personal thing, so shut up and just do what you gotta do. Some second gen have unrealistic expectations of the world because they haven't gone out there by themselves. I don't mean going out with GPA, I mean alone. No one around you who you know. The world is cruel! It really really really is. You have to fend for yourself! No one is going to be there for you! Nobody!

You have to have VERY solid faith in your principles, and even if you do you absolutely MUST know your weaknesses!! It can be hard to know your weaknesses until you're alone and thrust into a difficult situation where you do make a wrong decision! It's easy to think what you'd do in a problem, but if you're not the actual situation where your conscious must make a decision, then you won't know your weaknesses!!

The point I really wanted to make is just that things are different when you're alone. Nobody to call or talk about your problems to. Nobody who grew up in any way similar to how you did. Nobody with the same morals and beliefs. When you are put in a rough spot, you're alone. When you mess up, you're alone. When you recover and come out stronger, you're alone. Every second of the day you walk around alone. The world is so cruel. People are twisted and want to use you and use you and use you until there's nothing left. To any girls who read this, don't be nice. Trust me, they don't deserve an ounce of your kindness.