Going North for the Winter

It's strange but for the past 3 or so years, everytime it becomes winter I feel a strong need to head north. Not like up to Canada or anything like that, but just something is waiting for me up north of Las Vegas. On my way home when I rode the bus in high school I could never take my eyes of the mountains in the north. I once even tried biking to them with a friend. I think a lot of the pictures I even used to post here were from a tiny hill near my house where I can get a good view of the northern mountains. The sunset looks especially pretty on them during winter.
I've been wondering all this time what it is that could make me want to go to those mountains, when there are other mountains closer to us. I don't even like mountains all that much. They're always cold and it makes my ears hurt a lot and there's always so many bugs everywhere. Today I was thinking that maybe it reminds me of my friends house in LA. She lived in Arcadia and from her house there was a nice view of the mountains north of her house.

Anyways, I actually got a surprising amount of presents for Christmas. One brother gave me a kindle and another gave me hot cheetos. I got a blanket and a cool poster among other small items.

I signed up for 6 classes this upcoming semester! Wish me luck 😤

I absolutly love my house and my family, but I'm also feeling a growing need to move out. Even if just for a bit, I feel like I should maybe study abroad or something of the sort. I need independence and to feel responsible for myself!!

Merry Christmas!~

It's christmas!! It's been a pretty good day~ we opened presents in the morning and there were a lot more than I expected! I got headphones, but they're very low quality and they bring down the music quality by a lot, so I'll probably just stick to my broken headphones.

A really good friend of mine from LA messaged me today! We talked just for a bit, and she seems to be doing okay. I haven't seen her since summer 2015. I still miss my friend group in LA (one lives in Norway now!!). They'll always have a very special place in my heart.

I can't wait to get matched!!! I totally feel too young and want to live by myself and everything, but I can't help myself from wanting to be matched. Ahh how many more years? ;;A;;

Writing here makes me feel better~~

Animal crackers in my soup

I was feeling a bit empty again but then I looked over on my desk I have my Christmas presents that I'm going to give to my church friends on Sunday and thinking about that made me feel a bit better.

As for my school friends, we have a group chat and they talk a lot but I only drop in occasionally when there's a chance to make a joke. Last week one of the dudes got dumped to he was telling us that the girl said that "it was too fast and she wasn't ready for such a serious relationship" and something like she dates while thinking of marriage. In my head I was thinkin like damn that's right girl but my friends in the group chat got upset over her, calling her a "prude virgin" and other rude things. I was quite offended as they know I'm a virgin because of my religious beliefs and they know about how I'm going to get matched and everything.
However, it did make me expand more on the thought that we all live in entirely different worlds. I once heard somewhere that everyone is different, as we are to the world. Through our experiences and how we were raised we've all developed different ways of accepting and receiving love, different senses of humor, different outlooks on life and our own futures. Finding someone who syncs with you is very rare, and I'm grateful to have a friend who is, for the most part, on the same page as me. We actually have veerryy different opinions and we often get into small arguments, but we perceive much of the world similarly, so we can understand one another.
Also I'm very upset at my school friends. We have such different points of views on the world, and I find that my view differs from theirs a great deal because of my religion. I was hurt that they degraded this girl to be just a "prude virgin", and I find it just so strange because I view them as people who have very weak self discipline  and little moral standing that they fuck whoever they want like a bunch of animals. This of course I'd never tell them because I know that they don't see the world like I do and wouldn't understand me, so of course I'm hurt when they say something that to them may be true but to me is really morally trashy.
Only ever having 1 partner is such a beautiful thing and I think it's asinine that the world is so ass backwards and horny that it's become completely socially acceptable and actually the norm to have been in multiple relationships.

just lemme rest

I feel like I like talking less and less. I see posts on instagram and on facebook of this church youth workshop that they do every month in LA that I know had it been last year or anytime before I would've looooved to have gone, but now when I think about it I can't really see myself having very much fun with everyone. Actually, just thinking about it makes me really anxious. 
I've become so lazy!! Since I only have school twice a week and I do't have a lot of homework, I have a lot of free time. I applied to a lot of jobs but I haven't gotten any interviews, so I think my best chance would be to get a job through any connections I have (which means more talking ahhhhh). I have a papasan couch in my room and I have a bunch of blankets there that I just chill out while I read stuff on my phone. Soo lazy but soo relaxing!!
I go to this thing called CARP every thursday (at least I used to) where we read different exerts from readings like the bible or something ghandi said or this thing called the divine principle. I go to church with a lot of the people there so it's kinda like a nice little meet up one a week, but a couple weeks ago I messed up and said something really stupid. The environment there has always been super friendly and accepting, which sometimes brings in weird people,, but for the most part everyone is really chill. We have these small groups that we break off into and we go around and take a couple minutes to talk about the highlights and lowlights of our week. I told my group something bad I did but I was already getting over having done, and I just wanted advice on how to deal with the situation the next time something similar happens. Instead, I got my ass handed to me!! It felt like a public execution!! Everyone who I trusted and listened to their problems went out on me telling me I was a bad person and said all this crazy shit!! like wtf I thought we were good what you comin at me for? Annyways, even people my age couldn't give me any support and it was just extremely humiliating and the rest of the group meeting was reeeeaaalllyyy awkward. Like to everyone!! It wasn't just me like I was clearly on the edge of crying and trying to control myself after feeling so betrayed, while everyone kept lookin at me like I was gonna say something?? 
so I ended up trynna leave early but the group leader comes out and tries talking to me like we cool now and shit and I was just so done and embarrassed and really kinda hurt so while she was talkin to me I just turn and walk out the building and as soon as I'm out (the door open so she can still hear me) I start cryin like a little bitch!! I just kinda walked back to the college out of their eyesight and texted my only friend. She was really awesome about supporting me tho so props to her.
Anyways, it's been quite a few weeks since then, and things are still awkward as all hell between me and the group leader. I'm over it!! I don't wanna think about it or talk about it!! What happened happened! I don't want any apology or any sorta message or anything! I see her at church and act like it's all good but she keeps pulling me aside and sometimes apologizing and other times asking if I'm okay but like. Girl how am I supposed to tell you or anyone else for that matter anything? She keeps texting me and I just stopped responding like take a hint!! I don't want to have anything to do with CARP anymore!!

I just wanna be left alone like foreal is that so much to ask for

久しぶり!

It's been a while since I've posted anything!! I've been snooping around online and I've found a lot of my old profiles on various websites from my weeaboo days. It's sooo embarrassing, and the worst part is that it's not hard to find. I'm afraid someday someone I know irl will go through and find all my profiles and weird shit I've said or posted and it's just !!! 

LOL I can't believe some of the things I've even posted on this blog!! Some of this shit is just like... if anyone I know would see it.. yikes lmao
and I can't believe I put up our translating team's blog??? We changed the name now so the link is broken but still like @me girl what u thinkin??

Anyways, I'm in college now and things are going all right. I have a group of friends and it's pretty okay. I still always feel kinda sad but I think that it;s just a part of growing up and something that literally every single person on the planet feels as they grow up

                                                                     Can you imagine all the weird shit that's gonna be up by the time all these little kids who start using the internet when they're 5 will have up by the time they're adults?? It's only a matter of time before there's some sort of an internet profile cleaning business. 

Music Update 3

first and far most? for most?

hello?? anyone out there?? I'm alive!! haven't posted in forever!!

first and (for?far?) most, the sky is lookin good as ever out here in the desert. 

damn!! I had so many really negative and embarrassing posts on here?? I'm glad I got that out at the time, but I think that there's no point in keeping that stuff up anymore, so I've taken some posts down. I was such a downer!! It's really not very hard for people to change their attitudes :0

So at the end of may, my family visited San Francisco! I was reeeaallyy excited, but honestly, I did feel a liiittllee disappointed. I'm sure if I had more time to find the right places I would've enjoyed my trip more. Also it was so cold??? My ears hurt just thinking about it ((they were hurting sooooo much from the cold))

Alcatraz!!!

I've also finally attained my first job! It's at a daycare, and it's extremly tough. A lot of the kids here (especially since it's Vegas) come from broken families. There's one kid that we're all really struggling with. Apparently the mom had 3 kids, all in which she was doing CRACK WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT. Like are you insane?? That is sooo cruel! The kids were all adopted by a very sweet family here, and I wish them all the best. However, due to their biological mother's mistreatment to them, they have some serious behavioral issues that the teachers just can't handle. As much as I understand where they come from and I want to help and love them, it's been very difficult for me. The middle child throws non stop tantrums and is always screaming and knocking over anything in sight and throwing things, and I'm so afraid it'll hit one of the other children. The other day he swung a notebook in my eye while 2 middle aged teachers tried to control him. And a lot of the time he literally is just unable to comprhend what we're saying, which must be frustrating to him as well, but it's just too much to deal with him. The main teacher/my boss always assigns me to take care of him when he's acting up (literally never stops at all) and she always makes me feel so inadequate when I am unable to control him. I'm trying my best!

professional hobo

A long time ago a friend of mine told me that she was so sick of people asking her what she's going to do after high school and when she grows up, so she started telling people she was gonna be a 'professional hobo'. At the time I thought it was kinda funny, but I was also like 'you should take your life more seriously'. Now, I 100% relate. I'm gonna start telling people that when they ask me now too. My teachers literally have 0 faith in me

kazooo

These last 2 weekends have been really fun!! Me and my friend went to starbucks and translated a manga!! I got a large green tea frappuccino (reeaally good!!), and my friend got some sort of an English black tea? It had a cute name

we got cake pops!! super cute

lol and yeah thats what we were translating... sorry mom...

after that we went back to her house messed around a lot and it was really fun. When we went to Japan together we bought water bottle panties!! LOL they're so weird!!! i took some pics of them

and then just this last weekend we hung out again and I slept over at her house!! I had a really great time~ I went to bed around 1 or 2am, and it woke her up, so we talked for like an hour!! 

On Sunday I actually went out with some school friends for some ramen!! I was kinda nervous since I haven't hung out with anyone really other then part-time-quiet-kid since I moved here. It turned out to be really fun. My friend who invited me also brought some of her friends, who were all really chill and fun. One girl was reeaally rich and suuper cute!! I was so happy when she sat down with us and my friend introduced her!! I was sitting next to the guys and I got to talk to them a lot. They recognized me from school last year (they graduated), and apparently one of them thought i was cute and was asking about  me later!! how sweet!! 

oh i also forgot to write this before, but I'm blonde now!! 

This is the link to me and my friend's translating group's page! 

have a great day!! ♥

Music Update 2!!

lovin it

honestly I've gotten so used to being alone all the time I don't feel lonely anymore!! i am #blessed 

lol so i was reading a manga the other day and the characters were talking about their high school life and how valuable it is to be this age. It makes me feel bad!! My high school life was total shit LOL tbh I'm glad it's over!! I really wanted to go to the high school in LA that I was supposed to go to with all my friends. I could walk to school, which means I could join clubs, and there was a library and main street nearby so there was stuff to do after school. I was so jealous of them when I moved! I'm happy that I got the opportunity to mature by having no friends and experiencing humility in 8th grade/high school. 

no but really I actually have come to enjoy being alone. Of course I still love hanging out with friends, but I can relax being by myself as well.